Narcissism, Social Media Marketing and Wearable Art Jewelry: Protecting Yourself

Introduction and Purpose:

So why am I writing this provocative blog or cautionary tale? 

This expose' may offend and anger some, excite others and/or be met with indifference, but my intention is to clarify why I selectively market the way I do, and why my adherence to boundaries and informed consent is so paramount to my marketing strategy.  My focus will never, ever be on glorifying myself, but rather always on my art jewelry.  Unlike some other designers, I will not unconsciously suggest that wearing my jewelry will make you similar to me or sell you on an idealized and artificially designed pictorial suggestive of a fantasized lifestyle.  Nor will I try to influence you by making pseudo-scientific metaphysical claims of the curative properties of gemstones, but I will respect your autonomy,  individual beliefs and experiences around these claims.  What I will continue to do is be transparent and create beautiful works of art that hopefully speak to your soul and provide you with pleasure.  I will maintain my boundaries around privacy as an individual while you get to know me through live experiences, rather than using the "razzle-dazzle" techniques that traditional marketing espouses.

The Problem with Marketing Guru's and Business Coaches:

For the past year, I have been struggling with effective ways to market my One-Of-A-Kind Wearable Art Statement Jewelry that align with my values, conscience and system of ethics.  Nearly all of the business sales and marketing trainings I have been exposed to consist of grandiose claims without substance, promotional hype, manipulative tactics, false, empty and deceptive promises and/or assurances of great and immediate wealth if only I blindly comply with X, Y or Z coaches elite experience or insight.  Frequently it is painfully obvious that the coach needs profound validation in being "right" and has an intense need to be liked and popular. (Getting you to agree with the coach also makes you less resistant and easier to sell to)  Rarely if ever do these claims come with evidence of the marketing guru's/business coaches alleged outcomes other than random testimonials or screenshots possibly fabricated and photo-shopped displaying projections of near immediate wealth.  There is no definitive way to know if any of these claims are actually true.  My evidence, however, are the headaches I experience listening to the "programming" within the program, and the painful, sickening gut-distress I experience throughout the trainings.  Things never "feel right" to me and as a mental health professional, I have learned to trust my gut regarding such matters.  To date, from the thousands of online marketing coaches, I have only found one that markets an "ethical approach" to marketing and generating sales.  One, and only one...this shocking statistic clearly supports my experience and is indeed a tragic truth of what is really happening (see Tad Hargrave @marketingforhippies).  Can I really be expected to believe that an $11.00 pair of hand made panties generated 25 million in annual revenue after taking a course from a popular coach endorsed by a celebrity convicted of insider trading?  Me thinks not.  This is the predatory and emotional marketing equivalent of romantic "love-bombing" used by narcissists and psychopaths.   The extent to which marketers endorse and use principles of dark psychology to meet their self-interest is truly frightening for me, and I happen to know a bit about this.

A common selling point involves the "know, like, trust" elements, but you should never trust anyone who only points out the positive "value" in what they are offering.  Rather than exploiting someone's struggle and vulnerability, how about being completely transparent, altruistic and moral?  Because of my educational background, professional history and advanced training I have a pretty sophisticated palate and am well innoculated against such unethical practices.  My concern however, is for those who are ill equipped in protecting and defending themselves against such well established and acceptable principles.

When I was in private psychological practice I charged between $150 to $250.00 a session depending upon the length of the session and whether the client had a therapeutic or a legal issue. When I needed a professional legal consultation, my attorney generally charged me between $300-$400 an hour.  My psychological practice involved the effort to protect and preserve real, actual life.  These professionally regulated disciplines require years of study, supervision, internships and personal therapy.  Yet many of the marketers with whom I have interacted charge $3,000 an hour or $12,000 a month for an unregulated, unlicensed coaching service with no oversight whatsoever.  Are you beginning to grasp the absurdly bigger picture of profit as the primary motivator?  

Please don't make the mistake in thinking you are immune from exploitation.  If you have an online business that is struggling, if you are unable to pay your monthly bills, if you completely dependent upon your online income to support yourself and your family, you are indeed vulnerable to predatory practices.  This is exactly the type of buyer these coaches groom since you are an easy target to manipulate.  This is not to say that all business coaches are unethical, but rather to caution you to use critical thinking in analyzing what is being sold to you and how it is being sold.  (Look no further than the testimonials from clients who were nearly destitute and were then miraculously rescued by the coach and are now thriving!!)  These "deliverance from ruin salvation fantasies" are purposeful and are designed to lend credibility to the coach and make you more malleable to the sale.

Additionally, look at the statistics.  When a coach quotes having "helped" thousands of businesses, where is this number coming from?  Is it the number of people who have signed up for the trainings?  How many of these clients would state that they benefitted from the training?  How is "help" being operationally defined, and by whom?   Why is it that we never have access to these less than favorable statistics when we all know they exist.  More often than not, this is a form of manipulation in that you are presented with biased information that favors the coach or program.  It is very different to say "I have presented this material to" versus "I have helped" given the subjectivity.  Look for the spin......

Be wary of any coach or program that pressures you to "buy now" before the price increases.  Marketers use the principles of "urgency" and "scarcity" to pressure you into making an impulsive purchase, for fear you will miss out.  Then 24-28 hours later, you will receive another emotionally laden offer offering 50% off.  You might even be told that the program is being discontinued so this is your very last chance to subscribe!  These tactics have nothing to do with giving you the right to consent and doing what is within your best interests.  They are designed to meet the marketer's personal financial needs, not yours.  Are you beginning to see that these folks can say anything, without consequence? Also, use caution with any coach or marketer who displays a shallow, glib or superficially charming demeanor.  It might be a ruse.

Why I Refuse to Market Myself Using These Methods:

My thirty plus years experience as a mental health professional tells me to be cautious of any over-the-top and inferred promise of a successful outcome accompanied by excessive and disingenuous positivity.  (Is it just me or are there others who wonder how many of the female coaches in particular were cheerleaders in High School?  Many of these coaches feel like they are organizing pep rally's as opposed to a professional business training.  I also struggle with the beauty pageant-like smiling facade.....just can't buy what is being sold given that the affect belies the words).  I personally and professionally have experienced the toxicity of narcissism and I cannot help but conclude that many of these highly narcissistic marketing guru's utilize standard cult-like techniques of brainwashing and group-think.  I have witnessed time and time again, how reasonable individuals sacrifice their individuality to the dominant "one-size-fits-all" group mentality. The coaches inevitably possess the magical answer to whatever the problem is and usually it involves pointing out some defect in one's "marketing or messaging."  When one challenges these coaches, they frequently utilize DARVO psychology and deflect the focus to the challengers "limiting belief" ideology or tendencies to self-sabotage.  Why is it that the marketing approach is never insufficient, defective or to blame?  Why is it that the needs of the two parties are never misaligned?  Many of these individuals are dangerously close to if not actually practicing professional psychology without a license, and I fear the potential if not actual harm they are inflicting upon those who are most vulnerable.  There certainly could never be any other multitude of variables at play other than the coaches self-righteous opinion.  Clearly, there are hidden agenda's and these strategies are frighteningly similar to the legal maneuvering in blaming the victim.  Trust yourself.  Do not be gullible.  Do not be naive.  If something feels off, it is off.  When a coach advises you to be "authentic," examine the authenticity they present in their relational ethics with you.

While the use of vision boards, positive thinking, self-reflection, manifestation and visualization have a limited place in marketing, at face value and on their own, they are at best silly, superficial, shallow and misleading leaving one with the false impression that these "superstitious practices" will help you achieve entrepreneurial success.  Have you ever seen a professional, peer reviewed study regarding the efficacy of these approaches?  Other variables are rarely if ever mentioned, and never, does a coach review the potential and real risks of participating in their coaching program. More often you only hear of the unproven and unsubstantiated benefits.  Therefore, the buyer is never able to actually give free-willed consent and is manipulated into purchasing a one-sided sales pitch that preys upon their business goals and aspirations.  Consent involves being informed of both the benefits and the risks.  Anything less is pure manipulation.  Getting concerned?  I hope so.  I liken these approaches to unscrupulous psychic's who are prone to predatory practices and capitalize upon a potential clients vulnerability and unmet emotional needs.

In general, the field of business coaching, marketing and sales is not subject to any legal regulatory oversight or any real or aspirational ethics.  As such, these marketing "guru's" can legally proclaim anything and everything without actual merit.  After spending most of my adulthood in a career focused on healing based on anecdotal and peer reviewed evidence, I cannot in good conscience endorse or practice any of these "snake-oil" techniques to gain financially or get an edge on my competition.  I cannot and will not use any technique that exploits a vulnerability in the buyer (i.e. NLP).   Furthermore, being a pro-woman brand, I will not objectify or sexualize the female body to procure sales.

The Future of My Ethical Marketing:

Many of you have asked why I personally am not more present in my marketing efforts, and I hope this blog gives you some insight.  In my opinion, social media has devolved into a narcissistic attempt to gain attention, admiration and adulation.  I am only using social media as a platform to expose people to my jewelry brand; not to expose myself and my personal needs to the public. I am not seeking a fan club.  I concur with Lady Gaga when she states that "social media [can be] the toilet of the internet."  Therefore, I will not soil my brand by devaluing myself and overutilizing these platforms for personal gain and exaggerated truths.  I expect that this quotation and my determination will undoubtably alienate some of you.  And, that is a risk I am willing to take.

The value of ethnical marketing is that it creates a genuine connection, with you, the buyer. Ethnical marketing builds the essential foundation to create relational trust, and without trust, there is no relationship.  It puts the focus on you and places many of your emotional needs as primary.  You benefit through my transparency, clear business practices, disclosures of the risks and benefits in buying from me, etc.  With custom orders, we collaborate as a team and I consult with you regarding the order, each and every step of the way.  I also offer a free, no obligation 15 minute consultation to assess your needs and determine if my brand is a good fit for you.  I would rather be honest and lose a sale, than manipulate you and lose my humanity.

Imagine what it might be like if a coach disclosed the risks in working with them along with the benefits.  Imagine being told upfront that what they have to offer may not meet your needs and here is a good way to ascertain the goodness of fit with the coach, the product or the service.  Imagine this discourse along with the possible benefits.  Imagine being told that there is no guarantee of success but that their system of ethics demands that you are informed of this fact prior to the acceptance of any money.  What if a coach were to authentically state that they simply do not have the answer for your particular problem, but they will research it and get back to you because this is the right thing to do?  And, imagine not being billed for this service.

You do have responsibilities, however, to inform yourself regarding my or anyone else's policies and procedures before making a purchase.  I work from a relational model of mutuality and reciprocity and that means that we both have respective rights and responsibilities to uphold.  Privileges are available to buyers who have demonstrated trustworthiness.  Occasionally I do offer discounts to established and repeat buyers and these are based merit.  In other words, you are rewarded for your history with me.

I do intend to personally model my jewelry in the future, but only once my brand has been firmly established so that the focus remains on the art, and not on me.  I limit the extent to which I personally disclose online, but once we have established our professional relationship, I will be more open about who I am and the journey that brought me to where I currently am.

Your Thoughts:

I'm curious as to your thoughts about the current state of marketing?  What do you value?  What do you abhore?  This is a bold and strong blog and I cannot write it any other way and remain true to myself and my experience.  I think it is time to remove the veil surrounding these practices and get back to decency.

Please feel free to share your thoughts, but be advised that I will not tolerate any abuse, disrespect, swearing, personal attacks or uncivilized dialogue.  Should you engage in any of these, you post will be deleted and you will be blocked for any and all future interactions and purchases.  I welcome thoughtful exchanges that will assist with my personal and professional growth.  I also invite you to subscribe to my VIP email list to stay abreast of my new arrivals, should you be so inclined.  (www.katkouture.com).

In closing, I just want to note that my wearable art statement jewelry is crafted with the same level of care and attention to detail that I expect from my marketing and business practices.  Both are of equal importance and value.  

Thanks for your time and attention in reading this blog.  I look forward to hearing from and possibly meeting you!

(Image courtesy of @Voltaire)